Shadows of the Past
by jbn42
Summary: Mission: Gracefully survive a baby shower. Likelihood of Success: Minimal.


**Author's Note: **Fill for LiveJournal Week 29 Friday one word prompts "Laughter" for Wash and Taylor and "Shower" for Mira and Guz. This is probably not at all what was expected for shower, but I couldn't get it out of my head! And I admit it, it got a wee bit angstier than I thought it would, but that's just the way the characters led me.

This is set in the context of my other stories, post-series.

**Disclaimer is the same as always – don't own them, just borrowing, no profit here.  
**

"Explain to me again why _I _have to go to this thing tomorrow?"

Standing at the sink washing her face before bed, Alicia shoots him an incredulous look. "Third and last time, Nathaniel. Mira and Guz decided they wanted a co-ed baby shower. Mira isn't that wild about the whole shower concept anyway, and she has just as many male friends here as female. Guz liked the idea too, especially since they're having a boy. Shannon, Malcolm and Carter are all coming. It will look really bad if you don't come, and more than that, it will hurt both Mira's and Guz's feelings."

She levels a hard look at him. He's been griping for a solid week about this, and she's tired of it. "You cannot possibly think that I am any more enthusiastic about attending a _baby shower _than you are. But Gracie is enthusiastic enough for both of us anyway. Of course, I think her enthusiasm is directly related to getting a new dress and the promise of cake." She dries her face and leaves the bathroom.

He brightens at that, following her to their bedroom. "There'll be cake?"

She rolls her eyes, laughing quietly as she climbs into bed. "Yes, Nathaniel. There will be cake."

He grins before closing the door and turning out the light. A moment later, he gets into his side of the bed and his arms snake out to pull her flush against his body. "OK, I'll go. But only because there will be cake." She pinches his side hard, making him grunt. He then sighs. "And because I want to support Guz and Mira."

She drops a kiss to his bare chest, and knowing it will likely rile him up, murmurs, "Good boy."

At that, he growls lightly and flips them, her on her back with him looming over her. She grins knowingly up at him. He narrows his eyes at her in the dim light from outside. "Are you baiting me, Lieutenant?"

She shrugs and continues to grin. "I don't know. Is it working?"

He frowns at her, looking a little put out. "You know, some people find me intimidating."

She has to stifle her laughter at that so as not to wake Gracie. "You're right. _Some people _do." She leans up and kisses him, making him growl and push her back down. She laughs again. "You really are grumpy about this, aren't you? But is this about the shower or about the fact that you've never been able to intimidate me? And if it's the latter, why the heck is this just coming up now?" She gives him a funny look.

He sighs and drops to his side next to her. "You know it's not that. The fact that you've never been afraid of me, never been intimidated by me, is one of the things that drew me to you from the moment I met you."

"So, what's going on then?" He looks hesitant, and she's honestly confused. "Nathaniel, come on, what is it?" She reaches over and runs her hand through his hair.

"I just don't want you to get upset." He seems to make the admission reluctantly, and if possible, she's even more confused than she was before.

"Why would I be upset?"

He reaches over and takes her hand, entwining their fingers. "I was worried that all the baby stuff would bother you since we can't have any more."

She blinks at him, furrowing her brow. "Nathaniel, Gracie is enough for me. She's more than I ever hoped I'd have. After my injuries in Somalia, at best I thought I'd end up relegated to the surrogate aunt position for other peoples' kids. That I have her is a dream come true," she pauses, concerned now, "Are _you _upset that I can't have any more?"

His answer is immediate. "No! It's just that I watch you with Gracie, and you're amazing. It's like you were born to be a mother. I was just afraid that you might be regretting your decision to have the ligation after Gracie. I know I pushed hard for it, but it was only out of fear of losing you. I came too close to that when Gracie was born, and I was too afraid to let us risk that again."

She leans up to him and drops a soft kiss on his lips. "I don't regret it, Nathaniel. I love Gracie so much that it actually hurts sometimes, but I'm not foolish enough to believe that we were anything but insanely lucky that it turned out as well as it did. Even if I did want another baby, and I _don't_, I wouldn't ever risk not being here for Gracie by pursuing that. Our little family is all the family I need."

He looks visibly relieved at her words, and he hugs her tight to him. "I'm sorry I've been acting so weird about the shower. I was genuinely worried that you'd be upset, and you know I don't handle it well when you're upset."

She wraps her arms around his waist and nestles into him. Laughing quietly, she says, "It's a good thing all those people you intimidate don't know how softhearted you are. You'd be a lot less scary to them."

He squeezes her and drops a kiss on the top of her head. "If it gets out, you know I'll know who the rat is."

She drops a kiss on his collarbone. "Nah. I'll find a way to blame it on Shannon. Or maybe Carter."

She grins as he laughs and rolls onto his back, taking her with him. She ends up draped across his chest with her head on his shoulder and her arm across his waist. Wrapping one of her legs around his leg closest to her, she softly says, "Good night, Nathaniel." She's so comfortable that she actually falls asleep before he can even respond.

"Mama. Mama? Mama!"

Alicia blinks and pushes up on her elbows, looking for Gracie. She can't see her. "Bug?"

"Mama, over here!"

Turning, Alicia sees Gracie standing on Nathaniel's side of the bed, and she realizes for the first time that Nathaniel's gone. As she thinks about it, she's surprised that he was able to get up without waking her. Given that it's one of the rare mornings when they skip the early morning perimeter walk, he probably wanted to let her sleep.

"Mama, you awake?"

Alicia looks back over at Gracie and smiles. "Sorry, Bug. Yes, I'm awake. Where's Daddy?"

"Kitchen!" Gracie gives her a toothy grin. Alicia must look alarmed, because Gracie quickly adds, "He no cook! We went market and got bweakfast! Daddy sent me to get you. He making coffee. He says even he can't mess up coffee."

Alicia snorts at that, swinging her legs off the bed and standing up. "Trust me, Bug, he's wrong. He can even mess up coffee."

Gracie giggles at that and runs to Alicia's side of the bed, grabbing her hand. "'K, Mama. Bweakfast!"

"What's the hurry, Bug?" Alicia asks as she's being dragged in her three-year-old's wake.

"Mama, the faster we eat, the faster I get to wear my new dress."

Alicia's favorite thing about the words are that Gracie intones them in such a way that it's clear to her that it's the most obvious thing in the world. "I see, Bug. But you know the party isn't until noon, right?"

"Uh huh. Just want wear my dress."

Alicia grins, not at all surprised by the answer. When they get to the kitchen, Alicia laughs out loud, because as they enter, Nathaniel is dumping out the coffee. He catches her eye as she enters and shrugs, silently handing her the now-empty pot.

Several hours later, they're all dressed and heading towards the pavilion in the plaza where the party is being held. Alicia, carrying the gifts, is walking behind Nathaniel and Gracie. Gracie is holding Nathaniel's hand, her arm almost straight up in order to reach him. It's a sight that never fails to make Alicia smile.

Nathaniel is in his usual black cargoes and black t-shirt, but she talked him into forgoing the shoulder holster, given that it's a baby shower. Alicia is a little more dressed up, in nice black pants and a sweater with her hair down for a change. But Gracie puts them both to shame in her new dress.

Winter is setting in here, and while it never gets too cold, there is definitely a light chill in the air. Owing to that, Gracie's dress is actually two pieces, a jumper over a light, long-sleeved turtleneck. The turtleneck is bright purple, and the jumper is a blend of bright colors, broad horizontal stripes in the purple matching the sweater plus bright pink, green and yellow.

In her glossy black hair, she wears a headband in the same rainbow colors topped with a solid purple bow. White tights and little black boots complete her outfit. The boots were a gift from Carter and Skye for Gracie's third birthday last month. Carter got them made after hearing Gracie tell Alicia that she wanted boots like hers. She was referring to the high heeled boots Alicia is wearing now, a pair she bought in the market for all of the parties leading up to the weddings, Carter and Skye's and Mira and Guz's, last year.

They actually look a lot like Alicia's, but they have flat heels. When she opened them at her birthday party, one might've thought that she'd literally been given the Holy Grail. Carter may not realize it, but her prior adoration of him has now turned to near worship. Alicia is highly entertained by it.

As they get to the pavilion, Alicia suddenly senses someone behind her. She turns around. "Guz?"

Guz is standing there, a worried expression on his face. "Wash, I need your help. Mira bolted. She's hiding right now, and she won't come back."

"Nathaniel?" Instead of answering Guz, she calls Nathaniel back. He approaches, one eyebrow raised. She just passes the gifts to him. "I'll be right behind you."

Looking from Guz to Alicia and back again, he appears to decide that some questions aren't worth asking. He shrugs and takes the packages from Alicia, and he follows Gracie into the party. Alicia snorts and turns back to Guz. "Where is she?"

He inclines his head towards the command center, right across the plaza. "Taylor's office."

She furrows her brow at that. "OK. Go inside and hold down the fort, Guz. I'll go talk to her." He appears to be about to argue, so she cuts him off. "People are already going to think something's up if she's not there. It's just worse if you're not. You can at least go in and say she'll be along shortly."

Not waiting for him to reply, Alicia turns and makes a beeline for the command center. As she climbs the stairs as quickly as she can in her heels, she can't help but be worried about Mira. While she really hates being the center of attention, this sort of behavior isn't like her.

When she gets to Nathaniel's office, she pushes open the door. She's greeted by the sight of a very pregnant Mira pacing back and forth, muttering to herself. "Mira?"

She stops walking and puts a hand on her stomach. "I'm not going back, Wash."

"What is going on, Mira? You can't just not go back. You know that, right?" Alicia enters the office and closes the door behind her. "People are already gathering down there. Guz can hold them off for a while, but he can't do it forever. Now what's wrong?"

"Everything!" She throws her hands up in the air and starts to pace again. "I'm only seven months, and I'm like an elephant. I hate parties. I don't like everyone focusing on me. I'm tired, my back hurts and I can't eat without getting heartburn," her voice rises with every word, "I'm miserable and uncomfortable, I can't make myself stop being mean to Isaac, and now Tasha, Skye and Maddy are trying to make me wear a freaking corsage!"

Leaning back against the conference table, Alicia crosses her arms across her chest, an incredulous smile on her face. Mira scowls. "What is there to smile about?"

"Mira, seriously, all that stuff, even taken together, shouldn't cause this kind of reaction. I mean really, you're that riled up over a corsage?" She straightens back up and walks over to her friend. Placing a hand on each of her shoulders, Alicia looks Mira in the eye and says, "Tell me what's really going on."

After looking briefly defiant, Mira's shoulders sag. She looks down, her hand going back to her stomach. "I feel like I'm trying to replace her."

"Sienna." Alicia's response is a statement, not a question.

Mira clearly knows that, because she goes on, "It would hurt Isaac's feelings, and I don't want to do that. I keep trying to be as happy as he is, but when I do feel happy, it's immediately followed by guilt. What right do I have to feel joy when I abandoned my baby?"

"Stop right there." Mira falls silent, but she keeps looking down. Alicia slides her hands down to Mira's upper arms and says, "Look at me, Mira." After a moment she looks up, meeting Alicia's eyes. "You did _not _abandon your baby. You never intended to not see her again, and you were doing what you could to try to give her a better life. Do you really think that Guz won't get that, and that he won't get why this bothers you?"

"How could he understand? He never…"

Alicia cuts her off. "Mira, he risked everything when he came here with me and Nathaniel in 2142. He lost _years_ with Tasha, and he ran the risk of never seeing her again if this didn't work out. How could he _not _understand? The only real difference is that he banked on her eventually being able to follow him and you banked on eventually getting to go back. But you both chose to take a chance in order to give your child something better."

Mira blinks at her. "I never really thought about it that way."

"Mira, you two never talked about this?"

She shakes her head. "I couldn't. I just never have been able to talk about it. I have no idea why I find myself able to talk to you about her. I don't ever want him to feel like I'm not happy with him. I've hurt so many people with my choices, Wash. I don't want to hurt him too."

At that, Alicia does something that she rarely ever does - she pulls Mira to her in a hug, as close as Mira's stomach will allow, and to her surprise, Mira hangs on tight. "Mira, talk to him. He's so worried about you, and this won't hurt him, I promise. He loves you, and he knows you love him. This isn't about being unhappy about him or your baby. This is about regrets, and there aren't many people I know who have made it this far with no regrets."

Alicia steps back and waits for Mira to meet her eyes again. When she does, Alicia says, "You can be happy about Guz and this little one and still be sad about Sienna. Those things aren't mutually exclusive. And Guz will listen. He'll hold your hand when you need him to, let you cry when that's all that will help."

"You sound so sure about that, Wash."

"I _am _sure, Mira. Every year, I spend at least part of the anniversary of Lucas' death with Nathaniel and Gracie in Memorial Field. He tried to kill me twice, and he tried to kill Gracie, but he was Nathaniel's son. I love Nathaniel, and hell, once upon a time, when he was a little kid, I loved Lucas. So I go there for Nathaniel, I go there for Ayani and I even go there for the memory of that broken little boy. It's just what you do. Love is complicated."

Mira sighs. "Yeah, no question there." She looks up at Alicia with a weak smile. "Thanks, Wash."

"So, can we go to the party now? I need cake, and I feel quite certain that you do too."

With a nod, Mira laughs. "Cake solves everything, right?"

"Of course!" Alicia grins and heads for the door, Mira close behind her.

When they get back to the pavilion and go in, Guz is anxiously waiting near the door. He rushes over to meet them, immediately wrapping Mira in a hug. "Are you OK?"

She hugs him back. "I'm fine, Isaac, and I'm sorry I ran off like that." She steps away from him. "I need to go apologize to the girls."

He nods, and Mira passes Alicia with a smile. Guz comes to stand next to Alicia, and they watch as Mira approaches Tasha, Maddy and Skye. "I don't know what just happened, Wash, but thanks for helping. Is she really OK?"

Alicia looks up at Guz. "Yes and no, Guz. This one isn't simple. I'm hoping she'll talk to you. When she does, just listen, OK?"

He gives her a funny look, but then something else crosses his face. He looks back out at Mira, who is now wearing a flowered corsage on her wrist as she talks to Elisabeth and Deborah Tate. Without looking at Wash, he asks quietly, "This was about Sienna, wasn't it?"

Alicia puts her hand on her friend's arm. "Yeah, Guz. But it's not my story to tell."

He wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her into his side. "I know. I just hope she tells me one day."

"She will, Guz. Just give her time."

"She can have as much as she needs, Wash. And thank you." He squeezes her shoulders before releasing her.

"You're welcome, my friend. Now go hang out with your wife." She gives him a little push towards Mira, who is now being regaled with one tale or another by Gracie, who is using some rather sweeping and dramatic hand gestures to illustrate her story.

She notices Nathaniel approaching, and she smiles when he wraps his arms around her waist from behind, pulling her into his chest. He perches his chin on her shoulder. "Is Mira all right?"

She leans back into him and rests her arms on his. "I don't know, Nathaniel. I hope so."

"Is it about her daughter?"

Alicia nods. "I wish things were different for them, but I know they never will be. I just can't imagine being cut off like that. When I try to imagine how I'd feel if I ended up separated from Gracie the same way, I literally feel sick to my stomach."

He squeezes her tight. "I know what you mean."

She turns her head slightly, touching her temple to his. "I know you do."

After they stand there for a while just watching the party around them, Nathaniel says, "I'm glad you two are friends. You're an odd pair, especially given the history, but I know you two understand each other."

"Yeah, I guess we do." She grins as they watch Carter sneak up behind Gracie, scooping her up and making her squeal as Guz and Mira laugh, looking on. Alicia huffs out a laugh.

"What's funny, I mean besides our daughter being tortured by Carter?"

"Can you imagine what our reactions would be if, five years ago, someone would have predicted this scene?" She smiles at him.

He chuckles. "Somewhere between Mira pregnant with Guz's baby, Carter married to Skye and Gracie's very existence, I'm pretty sure one or both of us would have called bullshit."

"No question there. It's not all that bad, as totally unexpected outcomes go." She drops a kiss on his cheek. "We should go over there."

He nods solemnly. "I know. It's almost cake time."

She shakes her head, laughing. As she pulls away, she takes hold of one of his hands, pulling him with her as she heads towards their friends. When they get close to Carter and Gracie, Nathaniel comes up behind them and steals Gracie from Carter, tickling her and making her squeal even more.

Alicia watches, and she catches Mira's eye a moment later. Mira gives her a quick nod as if to say she's OK, and Alicia smiles back. As Carter retreats back to Skye, hugging her close into his side, Alicia quietly observes them all, murmuring, "Definitely not bad, even if unexpected."

She suddenly hears a giggling cry of, "Mama! Help Gwacie!" With a feral grin, Alicia heads for her family, intent upon rescuing Gracie and then helping her get revenge on Nathaniel and Carter. They both should know better than to mess with her baby.


End file.
